Damaged

I went through childhood surrounded by unhealthy toxic people. I am hard pressed to think of the names of people who I have been loved by who were healthy and good...my Grandparents and  my Aunt and Uncle who are all long since dead, but these were only fleeting moments as they were the part time members of my family.
I have always chosen to love men who are either horrible human beings and even worse husbands or men who were not interested so I could feel the rejection like salt in a wound because that is how love has always felt for me.
I can't believe it is all me, that I have so little value, that I don't deserve good love.
I live with the mind set that it is not my place to judge, that all people deserve some level of common dignity and yet some mistake this as me accepting the crimes they commit or the ugly way they view the world, well I don't, but then no one is listening or reading me anyway. I know I am damaged.