To Err Is Human

We are told we are perfect, yet we all make mistakes and blunder through our lives.
So, then, is it safe to say the mistakes are an expression of perfection?
Is it perfection that makes us love, hate, rage and sob? Or is it our mistakes that bring us to love, leave us jilted so we hate and rage or the feeling of failure that leaves us sobbing on the floor?

I have days when I feel like a foreign object under my own skin. I have days when I must suffocate my panic attacks to survive until it's time for bed. I have days when I want to be as far away from me as I can possibly get.  And I have days when I doubt and second guess my every move.

I get sick to my stomach when I hear people say to think positive, because postive thoughts feel like a fist to my head.

Some of the greatest Humans to grace this planet felt exactly as I have and their mistakes killed them and yet they were so perfect in the reasons for their existence.
Amy Winehouse made the Blues feel justified, Robin Williams made irony bearable, Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath slapped us in the face with the reality of depression and it's deadly consequences and we honor them.

My sister is now in the last days of her life, an exisitence that perhaps never quite went as planned and even in this twilight moment she still clings to ugly things that have brought on her suffering.
She was never a good Mother. She has always been materialistic and vain and abusive to so many people in so many ways and yet now in this twilight of her dwindling light I see nothing but my sister whom I want so desparately to protect. I want to crush anyone who says a single bad word and I want her to get up out of her death bed and be healed. I fear for her soul and what will transpire upon her crossing over because there are souls on the other side waiting for her in the shadows.
I see the reality that is my sister and how her mistakes have brought her to this destiny. I also see a beautiful suffering soul in all it's perfect imperfections and I wish this was not happening to her.

  'To Err Is Humam, To Forgive Is Devine' and in the end all that matters is that we forigve ourselves and accept that we are each in our own way perfect.