Looking Back At My Future

That once in a life time feeling of love that lifts us and floats us into the heavens can leave us hovering somewhere between uphoria and despair.
I thought I would never be with the love of my life again, I thought at times he was a dream I imagined to escape the horrible dread of my life at that time. But he found me again. We are a bit older, a bit more humbled and a bit more tired, but together we breathe freely in the sweet fresh air of our connection.
I remember that first split second when he walked up to where I was. He was, to me a stunning man and then as if he couldn't be more angelic he lifted his face and smiled, smiled his signature blinding smile. He spoke and I swore I recognized his voice from a distant past. The entire world stood still and became silent except for our voices and it felt like a cool breeze. I loved him from that moment on and on through that next year, but our realities began to close in on each of us and we were losing our grip on those fleeting moments that were ours and only ours where nothing existed but us.
We said goodbye.
I prayed that little prayer about letting go of what you love and if it comes backs it's yours, then I had to move on.
I always kept him in my thoughts and wondering where and how he was. I would think to myself the role he played in moving me onward into my future. I know there is something about me that he wants and needs even though I am completley outside his vision of a perfect fantasy. Now that he is here and hopefully this time forever, I'm trying not to hate myself for being imperfect and trying to ignore old patterns that took him away from me in the first place.
This is so strange and awkward,  I'm breathless at the prospect of walking through the rest of my life with him, but thinking of him means remembering how we met and how we loved in the past.
The past lays the pavement we will walk the rest of the way and no matter how much we try to keep the past in our rearview it cannot stay there because it is the definition of who we are and who we will become.
Looking back I can say I have never regretted a single moment that was ours and now that we are moving forward hand in hand the future has never felt so right.