Forest For The Trees

                                    Photo contribution by Greg Kantola

"I have been experiencing a surge of creative power pushing me ever onward to effect change in my life." Julianna J. Mason 


Those who know me know what I have been through these past three years and I have aired a bit of my dirty laundry here on my blog. I have planted a few trees and cut some down, but hugged many along the way.
I have come to realize that I have so much more to offer the world and it's time for me to pay up!
Those of you who follow this page will notice changes such as the actual name of my blog:
The Blah Blah Blogger  ....suits me I think.

I need to get out into the world and grab whatever rope will lead me to my brass ring.
One of the things I have come to realize and accept is that it is time for me to stop hiding in the woods and move forward with the strength and vigor of a charging Stallion and the precision of a Lion taking down it's prey.
 
I am trying to avoid feeling shame of who I am, how I look or how I perceive this wild and woolly world we all push through each day.
I'm not embarrassed to say that I'm done living alone, I want a mate, I have for some time but have not really enforced my feelings. I have allowed men to come and go in and out of my life like the changing of the seasons. I have watched them in the rear view and never held them accountable for their part in mucking things up, but they are the past and those who have morphed into friends I love you and value what we have and what we had how ever brief and thin.
I am ready to start saying no and tell everyone how I feel and how I see the world.

How I feel...

G. M - you will always have a place in my heart. I know that your head was in a very dark place and I understand, but you abandoned me and left me for dead. Although I forgive you I can never trust you again.

J.T.- you know I love you, we will always be friends, but stop expecting women to feel sorry for you and show it with sex. Stop degrading yourself and them and start embracing your own self worth and if you are as unhappy in your marriage as you say, then get the hell out! Stop disrespecting the sanctity of marriage! You are such a whore!

O.R.- you are a pervert pig, but then I guess that makes me one as well :)

C.T - Shame on you

G.S.- I am so sorry we met on the brink of your horrible family crisis and I will pray for you and your kids. I love your nerdy glasses and beautiful bald head.

Bradley- what can I say? Our friendship still endures and you will always be my mentor and my measure of how many hits a perfect soul can take and still shine like the brightest star in the sky.

G.K. - What a sweet soul you are! Talented and happy and so clear about what it is you want from your life and doing whatever it takes to achieve it. Although I have only known you for a brief moment, I can say with certainty that you are a breath of fresh air to me and I am enjoying this 'Getting to know each other' phase we have found ourselves in.

Where I am going...

I am making a Bucket List. I am not crying over every glass of spilled milk. I am embracing my family and making them a priority in my life.
I am no longer fearing rejection because I know it's the universe's way of saying I am not on the correct path. I am going for every opportunity that comes my way and even if it doesn't work out I am looking at it as a learning experience. I am trying to accept myself as the perfect imperfection that is me and stop chastising myself for not being a mans distorted image of what a women should be.

"I am me and only me, I am everything, I am nothing, I am a woman simply". Julianna J. Mason


How I see the world today...

I close my eyes and imagine myself  floating above the earth. I can see the tops of  trees and my body walking along kicking fallen leaves out of my way.  I see the mountains and the fields and valleys. I can see the blue of the oceans. I am weightless and viewing the bigger picture. I can see the smoke of bombs over the middle east, I can see the tides of refugees fleeing in the Africa's. I can see the outline of bridges the Homeless live beneath and the flashing  lights atop emergency vehicles rushing to save a soul.
I close my eyes...floating, floating and when I open them again I see the plush green Rain Forest and the white foam of Angel Falls. I smell the salt air rising from the seas to greet me above the clouds and the tops of Pyramids. I let go of all emotions and people and circumstances that held me paralyzed, I am clearing away the rubbish lying on my forest floor. I let go of those ropes and I am floating above.
I am visualizing my next great adventure not thinking about the how or why, only about the outcome, only about how I feel in the moment. Now I am standing beneath Stonehenge, then bathing my feet in the Caribbean blue water off a white sand beach. I am accepting that promotion and reaching for the keys to my new car and waking up next to a warm shape snoring softly under the covers, the shape of a not yet known man who is dreaming of floating above the Earth.  
I land softly on my path and smell the pine and hear the birds as I come out onto a paved road...which way? Not sure, I think I'll just walk along the line in the middle for awhile.
 
Onward and upward....