In Search of My Soul

I wonder where my soul has gone. I wonder who is holding it captive and why.
I wonder how I will ever find my missing piece, my missing peace.
I know how numbness feels and I know the painful pounding of deafness in my ears.
I know my soul holds the key to my heart and the keeper is a man wondering where I am.
I know, I know, I know all the hype and all the blabber about this day and age we muddle through and that is it out of style to be wanting of a mate and abhorred to be lonely. I know that we must all smile and attempt great feats each and every day and we must smile through the bull shit and babble about how we have such choices! We can be who we want to be and do as we want to do ( harm no one ) and we are to be perfect. We cannot suffer in the presence of anyone we must always belong to happy crowds, always think and say positives at all times and we must never ever utter the words, 'I am lonely'.
Hush now and don't hang your head in despair because they'll think you are crazy or weak or worse that you don't like who you are in your skin, in your head, in your eyes.
I am suppose to love myself completely and feel good especially when I am being rejected by a man who is lazy, pot bellied and horny and has the nerve to tell me I am ugly and unworthy.
I struggle to find some peace of mind in this ravaged world, my happiness hovers just out of reach.